Gah, bullying. :/ I was maybe lucky that I went in a different direction in elementary school (and also in that I towered over everyone), by threatening those who bullied others right back. I went through a shy phase, but made it through school by silent intimidation, cold-blooded non-reactions even when I wanted to cry, and wit. Maybe not the healthiest strategy, but it worked. (Also I was friends with the punk/anarchist crowd in school, so that helped!) I can sympathize though, because 1) I only recall snatches of my entire childhood - but that's the ADHD. 2) Denial is my personal favourite. As you can probably imagine, this works really well for someone with my brain chemistry. But the constant undercurrent of frustration, fear and guilt forces the occasional outbreak. (Nights without sleep, crying jags, really bad OCD behaviour, etc.)
I'm just ... more and more arriving at a point where it's not worth it. All the stress, the anxiety are not worth protecting my illusion of normalcy.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-02-26 04:04 am (UTC)I was maybe lucky that I went in a different direction in elementary school (and also in that I towered over everyone), by threatening those who bullied others right back. I went through a shy phase, but made it through school by silent intimidation, cold-blooded non-reactions even when I wanted to cry, and wit. Maybe not the healthiest strategy, but it worked. (Also I was friends with the punk/anarchist crowd in school, so that helped!)
I can sympathize though, because
1) I only recall snatches of my entire childhood - but that's the ADHD.
2) Denial is my personal favourite. As you can probably imagine, this works really well for someone with my brain chemistry. But the constant undercurrent of frustration, fear and guilt forces the occasional outbreak. (Nights without sleep, crying jags, really bad OCD behaviour, etc.)
I'm just ... more and more arriving at a point where it's not worth it. All the stress, the anxiety are not worth protecting my illusion of normalcy.