The day after National Coming Out Day

[effex]

Seven years (and one day) ago I was riding in a car with my mother and told her, heart shaking, that I was bisexual. "Oh, honey," she said. "Are you sure you don't swing all the way?"

I did some thinking, and camped out in my Uni's LGBT section, and walked around campus going do I find that guy sexually attractive? how about that other one? or that one over there? and gradually came to the conclusion that yes, I did swing all the way.

I didn't need to come out to my Dad, or my maternal grandparents, or my siblings, because at that point Mom had done it for me (it turned out fine and I have come to terms with my mother's complete inability to keep a secret. The day after I came out to her my grandmother called to let me know she loved me and was I sure I wasn't a lesbian) but I did come out to my ex (he wanted to know if it was something he had done, otherwise supportive) and to my friends (everyone was, and continues to be, amazing). Eventually to my extended family as well. By time NCOD '04 rolled around I was out, full stop.

And I still am, mostly. Being out is awesome, openly being part of the queer community (in Dallas, online, worldwide, etc) is awesome. Constantly coming out (because you're never done) to doctors, new acquaintances, and random people on the bus is less awesome, but that's what happens in a heteronormative society.

I am not out at work, aside from a couple of coworkers I trust, because my workplace is not a safe space (you could argue that life isn't a safe space, but this is the particular bit of life that's paying my bills in a rough economy). There are people here who would do their best to get me fired or get me to quit (they managed to run out the one openly liberal - yes, several of us are closeted about being liberal - a couple weeks before I was hired). It sucks. It's a reminder that not everyone has supportive family and friends to fall back on, not everyone has the resources they need and that, while none of us are really safe, some of us are less so than others.

So! Happy (the day after) National Coming Out Day to those of you who came out (hurray for you!) and those of you who have been out and for those of you not out yet - may your life get safer and more secure. You're all fabulous.


(Yesterday was also Columbus Day. If you celebrated it, please, reconsider.)

Comments

[glass_icarus]

I love this post; thank you for sharing.

[effex]

Thank you! I felt like I was rambling aimlessly for most of it, I'm glad it worked for you.

[zanzando]

And happy (Inter-)National Coming Out Day (almost!) to you! :D

[forthwritten]

Thanks for sharing this. I co-organised a workshop for our university's LGBT network last night and we tried to bring up some of these points - that coming out is a process and you're never out to everyone, that it's okay to choose not to be out in some environments and you shouldn't feel pressured to be so.

I hope some of our nervous students have families that will be as supportive as yours.